


Trust

by HunterMemoir



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Hurt, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-05-07 09:45:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14668449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HunterMemoir/pseuds/HunterMemoir
Summary: When the trust is all gone, what else is left?





	1. How Far Can A Hero Fall?

**Author's Note:**

> This came to me after the last episode, I felt as if they were doing their best to ruin the one relationship Kara has that didn't feel forced. Up until now, I could handle almost anything they threw at us, and honestly, I was kind of hoping Lena could have something great with Jake, I liked him... I hated Mon-El, not because he was with Kara, he's just an awful character. But the poison they are feeding Kara and Lena's relationship, because of us fans? I feel like the shock that came with Lexa's death was more humane.   
> This is what I feel is happening with Kara's relationship with Lena, this is the end, I think, and I'm so scared they'll make Lena next season's villain.

_“I could never trust her again.”_

It’s all she can think about, all that she can hear, long after she left Alex and Ruby together, safe. The pain, in her heart, knowing that her best friend would never trust her. She could never tell her best friend who she really was the speeches she planned, the hours she spent convincing J’onn that telling Lena would be safe, that they could trust her.

How could she have told Lena, who came in, offering her help with substance that could kill her, that she wasn’t angry at her, that she did trust her, despite the danger, how could she explain, when she raged at the brunette for days on end, for having Kryptonite, for making it.

Desperate, she was desperate to feel something.

She told Lena the truth, it did fell like her skin was burning, it was like nails in her blood. It felt like something.

Superman grew up on Earth, for him, hugs were supposed to feel like a ghost of touch, he never felt them any other way. Kara on the other hand, remembered. She remembered being held, being touched, her mother’s hand softly carding through her hair, her father’s strong arms around her.

Here on Earth, she felt nothing.

Shedding all semblance of Kara Danvers, Kara dons her suit and makes her way to the only other Kryptonian in the city.

How could she explain to Lena, to Alex, to anyone, really, that she felt closer to Reign than she did any other person on this planet, not even her so called cousin made her feel this way, like she had a part of her home back.

Maybe it was her mistake, for never debunking Clark’s ideals about their home, his so very human ideals, his so very human lies. She let him believe whatever he did, he never attempted to truly understand, he only saw and heard what he wanted to see and hear.

But Reign, Reign was like having a piece of her home back again.

Of the blood wars that wrecked the planet over generations.  
The calls for truth and justice.  
The hate.  
The love.  
The life. People, real people, people who feel something, believe in something, no matter how wrong or right, people who believed in an idea, or a material something, not in an idealistic society the made up of snippets of information given to them by others, but people, who held true, even to their mistakes.  
People, who were Kryptonian.

Kara lands in the L-Corp lab that houses Reign, one hand clutching carefully a dark green glass bottle, the other hovering softly at the barrier.  
She hopes Sam gets better, she truly does. Because even if Reign is gone, and Sam remembers nothing, Kara now knows that she’ll always protect her, them. Sam and Ruby, they were family now. Just like Kal. They were of her blood, and when there is none left, any drop of it matters.

She walks to the desk, eying the lead lined case that houses the Kryptonite Lena made, knowing now that she had nowhere to hide, that the reason for her panic whenever Kryptonite was mentioned was all on her. She takes a deep breath and opens the case.

Kal- Clark, might fear what was inside, but for Kara, this was a piece of her home, this was all that remained.

She picks up a piece with her free hand it burns, Kara can feel it burning. She leaves the case open and walks to the barrier, sitting on the floor carefully, placing the green crystal on the floor near her, and opening the bottle, taking a long drink, staring at the woman in the bed, wondering whether she’d be next, if anyone finds her like this, so weak, so… human like.

She knows she’s only tolerated because of how strong she is, because of how human she looks, but she can barely stand it sometimes, the lies. The constant numbness.

She doesn’t know how long she sits there, brushing her fingers gently over the green crystal, her skin burning and her bones aching, but she can feel every part of her body, she can feel the rough weave of her suit against her skin, chafing her raw, she can feel her thighs aching from the long time she spent on the floor, she can feel the burn of the rum that goes down her throat every time she takes a sip.

Kara is in an almost trance like state when the doors to the labs open again. She’s wrapped herself in her cape like a blanket, staring at Reign and brushing her fingers over the Kryptonite, her fingers sliced open and bleeding, but she continues, to drunk on both alcohol and weakness to care.

When Lena enters her lab to check on Reign, she doesn’t expect to find anyone in there, let along Supergirl. She’s about to say something witty and somewhat cruel when she realizes that Supergirl wasn’t aware of her presence. She rolled her eyes, for all her god-complex, Supergirl could really pay a little more attention. She feels uneasy, it as like Supergirl was keeping watch over Reign, over Sam.

“She won’t do anything in her sleep.” She says harshly to the blonde, but all she receives in return in a short hum. Lena gets a little angrier for a few seconds when she notices something that should not be.  
The Kryptonite case was open, and a piece was missing.  
Lena panics, this was not supposed to happen.

She looks around for signs of a break-in but all she can see is Supergirl sitting on the floor, cape around her shoulders and a green bottle raised to her lips ever so often, her other hand stroking something out of sight.

Lena comes closer to Supergirl, to ask her, if she knew anything, and why didn’t she close the case, it was after all filled to the brim with the one thing that could kill her.

She crouched near Supergirl, intending to interrogate the hero when she finally sees what happened to the missing piece.

Supergirl was holding onto it like a life line, her hand bleeding heavily.

Lena doesn’t know if to feel worried or remain numb as she had in the past few days, but a soft giggle and the smell of strong alcohol turned the tide towards worry nonetheless.

“I know you don’t trust me…” giggles Supergirl, she was remarkabley well spoken for someone who, if Lena guessed right, had almost and entire bottle of whatever kind of alcoholic drink the green bottle held. She doesn’t reassure Supergirl, she has nothing to say, she really doesn’t trust the hero anymore.

Lena just wants that piece of Kryptonite back in the case, nothing less, nothing more, but Supergirl was still clutching it tight in her fist. Bleeding all around it.  
“It’s okay.” She says, still staring at Reign, still clutching the green crystal. “I don’t trust me either.” She giggles.

Lena is shocked to say the least, this was not what she expected.

Supergirl burrows into her cape, like a small child during a cold night.

“Y’know, Superman… Superman hates this stuff!” Supergirl raises the hand with the Kryptonite up for Lena to see, all Lena can focus on is just how deep those cuts on the blonde’s hand truly were.  
“He keeps throwing every piece of it into volcanoes and asking his off-world friends to take it away from here. He’s scared.” Supergirl’s tone is whimsical. As if she was remembering something long gone. And perhaps she was.

“I had my own stash, you know?” Supergirl smiles a painful smile and Lena’s heart stops. No, she didn’t know.  
“HE found it with the rest of the DEO stash and threw it away too!” The blonde was pouting and Lena was asking herself what the hell was going on.

“He didn’t even hug me when he came to pick it up!” her pout grew.

“I’m sure he meant to…” Lena tried to comfort the blonde while tracking every movment her bleeding hand made.

“Nah uh…” whined Supergirl. “He never came to visit. He doesn’t like me much…” Lena’s brows furrow. “It’s okay though, nobody likes me much, at least not me, me… They like Supergirl well enough, but me… well, I don’t like me much either…”

“Did you know I was a huge fan of Lex’s? Before he went all murdery on my cousin, but I was. I thought there was someone out there, finally bright enough to bring Earth into the real space age, that because of him, I might be able to make contact with others like me, who managed to escape to other planets before the planet exploded. Then he went murdery, and Superman was so mad at me, for not hiding well enough, so I did, I hide well enough that even I can’t find myself now.”

Lena truly can’t understand how Supergirl was capable of holding on to the crystal for so long.

“Do you think you could do this to me too?” Supergirl asked, pointing with the bottle to Reign.  
“This is it.” She said resolutely. “This is how I want to go, peacefully.”

Lena’s heart stops in her chest for a long moment and her worry crashes over her in waves.

“See how peaceful she is,” Supergirl continues, “She’s got it all Lena, all I ever wanted. Humanity, a family of her own. She can be normal here, this is Sam’s home.”

This was the first time Lena heard Supergirl refer to Reign as Sam while she was still Reign.

“I never felt at home here.” The blonde shares with a longing smile.

“When Clark left me with the Danvers the very same day I landed, I was sure he would come back for me soon.” Lena’s eyes widen, Supergirl just spilled her cousin’s human identity. “I didn’t see him again ‘till I became Supergirl… I mean he called once a year or so, to ask Eliza how I was doing, but he wasn’t much for talking to me so… Everyone have those really amazing save stories about Superman, how he helped them, how he was there for them when no one else was, but all I have is him leaving me for his scientist friends in Midvale and their 14 years old daughter.” And suddenly Lena understands that it’s not only her cousin’s identity Supergirl exposed, but her own as well. Lena’s heart beat faster and faster with every word said.  
She wanted to scream, to cry, to do something, but all she could do is look at the ruined blonde and listen.

“Alex hated me at first… She kept yelling at me all the time, don’t tell her, but it was very painful… My hearing was just starting to come in, and I remember my ears bleeding some after a really long session of her screaming and yelling. Eliza always told me it would stop soon. And it did, stop bleeding. It never stopped bothering me though. She still calls me weirdo, to this day, and I think I am too, but I can’t help it, humans are so… different. We’re okay now, but sometimes, when I do something I used to do on Krypton, or even mix my languages a little bit, she looks at me like I’m an alien. And I am, but I’m also Kara, her sister.” Lena really wants to hit her now, and she can’t figure out if it was because she was angry or scared.

“I’m really tired Lena.” Says Kara, finally turning to look at the brunette. “Can I go home now?”

Lena’s eyes are flooded with tears and her hand trembles as she raises it to Kara’s shoulder.  
“Of course you can. Just give me the Kryptonite.” She pleads.

Kara smiles at her sadly.

“Then how would I get home?” she asks, and brings the crystal to her neck, pressing hard.


	2. Today, I'm Selfish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This second part was written mostly because of the many requests that came my way when I uploaded the first part of the story, which was intended to be a One-Shot.
> 
> I will not continue this story any further, while I am sure there is much to tell about this story-line, I suspect I might bring myself to a place I've worked very hard to keep away from in the past couple of years.
> 
> That said, here is the second part of Trust.

Lena never truly appreciated just how weak Kryptonite made Kryptonians before this very moment, not even when she used it to stop Reign.

She might be angry, and disappointed, she might never talk to Kara again, but it would be her choice, and no one, not even Kara herself has the right to take this choice away from her.

It was so easy, and Kara was too weak, too slow to comprehend what was going on before Lena was pulling the crystal from her hand, making the gashes in her hand a little deeper, but stopping the piece from making anything worse than a small scratch on the blonde’s neck.

Quickly stumbling to her feet, Lena chucked the piece of green crystal that had caused her so much grief lately in the case and locked it shut, as she should have done earlier, but she could never expect that out of the four people with access to this lab, the one most in danger of the substance would be the one it should be kept away from.

By the time Lena turned back around to look at Kara, the blonde was hugging her legs to her chest and rocking back and forth, muttering under her breath, eyes still staring at Reign’s still body on the bed.

Lena can feel her heart break, and she can admit to herself, that every second she spends here with Kara, without pretense, is making her want to forgive the blonde, maybe even give her a second chance.

She walks up to Kara, taking off her heels and settling close to the blonde, shoulders touching, she didn’t say a word, but watched as the gushes in her hand and the shallow scratch on her throat slowly disappeared.

A few minutes of relative silence pass, and all Lena can hear is the machinery keeping Reign subdued and alive and Kara’s soft muttering.

A loud sob breaks the pattern and Lena can feel Kara’s shoulders shake harshly beside her. She looks down on the blonde’s hand to find it smooth and free of blemish, though it was still red and wet from the blood that dripped from the wounds not too long ago.

“It always happens-” Kara’s cry is desperate in the brunette’s ears. “It’s always gone, without leaving a mark!” Kara pressed her head to her knees.

“Why can’t I just be?” she asks, sounding so lost, Lena couldn’t help but carefully wrap her arms around the blonde, feeling her tense under her touch for a brief second, before she feels her completely relax and bury her head in Lena’s neck.

She can feel her shaking and the warm, almost hot, tears wetting her neck and running down to the collar of her dress. After a short while, Kara puts a little distance between the two of them and shoots Lena a clearly forced smile.

“You can go now, you don’t have to stay. I know you don’t want too. It’s okay. I’m just going to sit here for a little while longer if you don’t mind.”

Kara is so very clearly sober. Lena understands that much.

She doesn’t want to leave her though, not after what she had just witnessed.

“I’ll stay for a little while longer.” Lena replied coolly and took a deep breath, wincing at the strong metallic scent coming from Kara’s direction.

It was odd for her, to see just how quickly Kara sobered up, but she now knew to connect it to her alien nature, something she never thought she would have to do with her first friend here in National City.

They sit in silence for almost an hour, Lena watching closely for any sign that Kara was about to repeat her actions.

“Please don’t tell Alex and J’onn what happened.” Kara’s pleading tone breaks Lena away from her own thoughts.

“You should really tell someone.” She tells the blonde, her tone betraying just how numb Lena was feeling.

“It’s okay though, no harm done.” It’s the same forced smile as before, and Lena realized she had seen it before, with Supergirl, on TV interviews and sometimes, when Kara spoke of her dead family in a casual way, a mention here and there.

“You were about to kill yourself.” Lena is blunt, she doesn’t see a reason to play any games, not now, not when everything was so raw between them.

“It’s not like it was going to actually work, Lena, don’t you think I’ve tried that before?” Kara snorts and after a second realizes what she just admitted to.

“I didn’t.” Lena replies, and for the first time since Kara sobered up, her tone was softer, warmer. “But now I’m sure you should tell someone.”

“I’m fine.”

“This is not fine.”

“This is my brand of fine.”

“This brand of fine sucks.” After Lena’s blunt comment she hears Kara giggle softly.

“That’s your professional opinion?”

“I’m not a Psychologist.”

“Yeah, but you are probably the sanest person I know.”

“That doesn’t say much for the company you keep, Supergirl.”

“I know…” Kara sighs. “But it’s better than being alone most of the time. Sane people don’t understand.”

“You think I don’t… Understand?” Lena truly didn’t understand what Kara meant.

“Yeah… Don’t take it the wrong way or anything, but I said you were the sanest person I know, not that you were wholly sane…”

“With the company you tend to keep, I will take it as a complement.”

“It was meant as one.”

This was the longest conversation Lena had with Kara in weeks. She missed it, but she was still having a hard time forgiving and forgetting, and right now, Lena wouldn’t trust Kara with a pen and a piece of paper.

They sit in silence a little longer.

“You won’t tell Alex though, right?”

Lena takes a minute to look at Kara, really look at her. And she’s stunned by what she sees. Kara is staring right back, blue eyes shinning with tears not yet shed, and her blonde hair is streaked with a sickening crimson, and all Lena can think about is the Kryptonite she pried from her best friend’s hand not too long ago.

“I have to.” She says. She would not let Kara sink any further, not on her watch at the very least.

“They’ll lock me up!” Kara panics, and Lena stares at her with a surprised expression.

“I stop being Supergirl, and they lock me up! That was the deal. As long as I’m helpful, I get to stay.”

“The deal? Who did you make the deal with?” Lena doesn’t understand, Alien Amnesty was a thing, wasn’t Kara was the one who helped bring it to fruition?

“They said I wasn’t eligible for amnesty, and Kal’s human identity is pretty well cemented, he was here since he was a baby, he even has his genuine birth certificate, but me… I got here when I was 13 years old, the government knew about me ever since I landed, they let me go, when Jeremiah agreed to work for them, keeping tabs on me, making sure I never used my powers. And then I became Supergirl, and the deal Jeremiah made with the government expired, They said that as long as I’m Supergirl, and I’m useful to them, I get to stay, and when I stop, I’ll either have to leave or they’ll lock me up on immigration charges.”

“Kara, who said you weren’t eligible?” Lena asked again, it was hard to understand, Kara should probably be the most well protected alien on Earth, her working alongside the American government and being an high-profile superhero, should ensure her ability to stay in the US under the Alien Amnesty Act be as bulletproof as the alien herself.

Kara looks at Lena, her panic still apparent on her face.

“General Lane, the President.”

“The President?” asked Lena, President Marsdin was the one to come up with the AAA, she shouldn’t be withholding it’s protections from Earth’s arguably biggest defender, and it’s most powerful. It’s most powerful… And suddenly it’s all very clear. They are holding their best and only card close to their chests. Lena finds herself cursing whoever thought it was a good idea to deny Kara her rights, but then again, this is Earth, up until a few months before, Kara, as an alien, had no rights.

“She said it was the only way for the government to pass the Act.” Kara’s voice sounded like it was stuck between despair and pride. Lena realized, that Kara knew exactly what she was agreeing to, even if she, for a moment, didn’t seem to understand.

“And you agreed.” Sighed Lena. Kara’s smile turned bitter and angry tears ran down her cheeks.

“My life isn’t worth the millions of lives this Act has helped, no matter what my parents thought when they decided to save only their family members when Krypton was destroyed.”

While she didn’t like it, Lena heard what Kara was saying. Kara thought she herself wasn’t worth the effort of a true fight.

“I should have died with my people.” It’s a sentence Lena never thought she’d hear, let along coming from her best friend, who, at times, was utterly happy and naive.

But Supergirl wasn’t naive, which meant that neither was Kara.

Finally accepting the reality of Kara and Supergirl being the same person, Lena takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out. She looks over at her best friend, because even now, after all that’s happened between them, all that’s been said, all the hurt, Kara was Lena’s best friend, and Lena knew, that no one would ever understand her as well as Kara does, and Lena knows she needs Kara just as much as Kara needs her right now.

“But you didn’t.”

“Because my parents were selfish.” Kara says, her words dripping with bitterness.

“They were.” Lena wasn’t about to cuddle Kara, not now, and maybe never again. “And today, Kara, I’m going to be selfish.” Lena rises to her feet, kisses the top of Kara’s head, blood and all, and picks up her mobile, searching for a number she only recently came to possess.

“Agent Danvers? Lena Luthor. We need to talk.”


End file.
